There is no snooze button on a cat who wants breakfast. - Anonymous

 

Dogs believe they are human. Cats believe they are God. - Anonymous

 

No heaven will not ever Heaven be; Unless my cats are there to welcome me. - Epitaph in a pet cemetery

 

Dogs come when they're called; cats take a message and get back to you later. - Mary Bly

 

Cats are poetry in motion. Dogs are gibberish in neutral. - Anonymous

 

I got rid of my husband. The cat was allergic. - Anonymous

 

My husband said it was either him or the cat. I miss him sometimes. - Anonymous divorcee

 

The mice which helplessly finds themselves between the cats' teeth acquire no merit from their enforced sacrifices. - Mahatma Gandhi

 

I gave my cat a bath the other day, they love it. He just sat there and enjoyed it. It was fun for me. The fur would stick to my tongue, but other than that ... - Steve Martin

 

The cat who doesn't act finicky, soon loses control of his owner. - Morris (the cat)

 

Cats are intended to teach us that not everything in nature has a purpose. - Garrison Keillor

 

The clever cat eats cheese and breathes down rat holes with baited breath. - W.C. Fields, comedian

 

We have two cats. They're my wife's cats, Mischa and Alex. You can tell a woman names a cat like this. Women always have sensitive names: Muffy, Fluffy, Buffy. Guys name cats things like Tuna Breath, Fur Face, Meow Head. They're nice cats. They've been neutered and they've been declawed. So they're like pillows that eat. - Larry Reeb

 

Cat: A pygmy lion who loves mice, hates dogs and patronizes human beings. - Oliver Herford

 

A little girl cried, "Daddy, Daddy Fluffy is dead." That's OK dear, the dad responded, Fluffy has gone to Heaven to be with God. "What would God want with a dead cat?" the little girl replied. - Anonymous

 

Ignorant people think it's the noise which fighting cats make that is so aggravatiing, but it ain't so; it’s the sickening grammar they use. - Mark Twain, American writer

 

One of the striking differences between a cat and a lie is that a cat has only nine lives. - Mark Twain, American writer

 

Beware of people who dislike cats. - Irish proverb

 

No matter how much cats fight, there always seems to be plenty of kittens. - Abraham Lincoln

 

We humans are indeed fortunate if we happen to be chosen to be owned by a cat. - Anonymous

 

Any conditioned cat-hater can be won over by any cat who chooses to make the effort. - Paul Corey

 

There is, indeed, no single quality of the cat that man could not emulate to his advantage. - Carl Van Vechton

 

It is a very inconvenient habit of kittens that, whatever you say to them, they always purr. - Lewis Carrol

 

A cat is always there when you call her, unless she has something better to do. - Bill Adler

 

God gave man the cat in order that he might have the pleasure of caressing a tiger. - Ancient proverb

 

To gain the friendship of a cat is a difficult thing. The cat is a philosophical, methodical, quiet animal, tenacious of its own habits, fond of order and cleanliness, and it does not lightly confer its friendship. If you are worthy of its affection, a cat will be your friend, but never your slave. He keeps his free will, though he loves, and he will not do for you what he thinks is unreasonable. But if he once gives himself to you it is with absolute confidence and affection. - Theophile Gautier, French writer and critic

 

As anyone who has ever been around a cat for any length of time well knows, cats have enormous patience with the limitations of the human mind. - Cleveland Armory

 

The smallest feline is a masterpiece. - Leonardo de Vinci

 

When addressed, a gentleman cat does not move a muscle. He looks as if he hasn't heard. - Mary Sarton

 

The only mystery about the cat is why it ever decided to become a domestic animal. - Sir Compton Mackenzie, English writer

 

Cats are mysterious folk. There is more passing in their minds than we are aware of. - Sir Walter Scott, English writer

 

Purring would seem to be, in her case, an automatic safety-valve device for dealing with happiness overflow. - Monica Edwards

 

All cats are possessed of a proud spirit and the surest way forfeit the esteem of a cat is to treat him as an inferior being. - Michael Joseph, English publisher

 

A kitten is more amusing than half the people one is obliged to live with. - Lady Sydney Morgan

 

A cat can be trusted to purr when she is pleased, which is more than can be said for human beings. - William Ralph Inge

 

The smart cat doesn't let on that he is. - H.G. Frommer

 

Who can believe that there is no soul behind those luminous eyes. - Theophile Gautier, French writer and critic

 

The more people I meet, the more I like my cat. - Anonymous

 

Cats don't like change without their consent. - Roger A. Caras

 

An ordinary kitten will ask more questions than any five year old. - Carl Van Vechten

 

If cats could talk, they wouldn't. - Nan Porter

 

A cat is the only domestic animal I know who toilet trains itself and does a damned impressive job of it. - Joseph Epstein

 

To bathe a cat takes brute force, perseverance, courage of conviction, and a cat. The last ingredient is usually hardest to come by. - Stephen Baker

 

The cat in gloves catches no mice. - Benjamin Franklin, Statesman and inventor

 

Cat people are different, to the extent that they generally are not conformists. How could they be, with a cat running their lives? - Louis J. Camuti, DVM

 

A cat is a puzzle for which there is no solution. - Hazel Nicholson

 

As we all know, cats now rule the world. - John R.F. Breen

 

If you are worthy of its affection, a cat will be your friend but never your slave. - Theophile Gautier, French writer and critic

 

There is nothing sweeter than his peace when at rest, for there is nothing brisker than his life when in motion. - Christopher Smart, English poet

 

It's very hard to be polite if you're a cat. - Anonymous

 

Unlike us, cats never outgrow their delight in cat capacities, nor do they settle finally for limitations. Cats, I think, live out their lives fulfilling their expectations. - Irving Townsend

 

Cats are absolute individuals, with their own ideas about everything, including the people they own. - John Dingman

 

I am as vigilant as a cat to steal cream. - William Shakespeare (Henry IV)

 

I love cats because I enjoy my home; and, little by little, they become its visible soul. - Jean Cocteau, French poet and film maker

 

Most of us rather like our cats to have a streak of wickedness. I should not feel quite easy in the company of any cat that walked about the house with a saintly expression. - Beverly Nichols

 

Cats sleep anywhere; any table, any chair, top of piano, window ledge, in the middle ... on the edge. - Eleanor Farjeon

 

A cat's got her own opinion of human beings. She don't say much, but you can tell enough to make you anxious not to hear the whole of it. - Jerome K. Jerome

 

The little furry buggers are just deep, deep wells you throw all your emotions into. - Bruce Schimmel

 

Ye shall not possess any beast, my dear sisters, except only a cat. - The Ancren Riewle (Nun's Rule)

 

When she walked, she stretched out long and thin like a little tiger, and held her head high to look over the grass as if she were treading the jungle. - Sarah Orne Jewett

 

A man has to work so hard so that something of his personality stays alive. A tomcat has it so easy, he has only to spray and his presence is there for years on rainy days. - Albert Einstein, scientist

 

It is with the approach of winter that cats wear their richest fur and assume an air of sumptuous and delightful opulence. - Pierre Loti

 

If a cat spoke, it would say things like, "Hey, I don't see the problem here." - Roy Blount, Jr.

 

Are cats lazy? Well, more power to them if they are. Which one of us has not entertained the dream of doing just as he likes, when and how he likes, and as much as he likes? - Fernand Mery

 

Cats are designated friends. - Norman Corwin

 

Authors like cats because they are such quiet, lovable, wise creatures, and cats like authors for the same reasons. - Robertson Davies

 

Your cat will never threaten your popularity by barking at three in the morning. He won't attack the mailman or eat the drapes. He may climb the drapes to see how the room looks from the ceiling. - Helen Powers

 

If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it? - Steven Wright, comedian

 

A dog knows his master, a cat does not. - Eleasar B. Zadok

 

They say the test of literary power is whether a man can write an inscription. I say, "Can he name a kitten? - Samuel Butler

 

It is difficult to obtain the friendship of a cat. It is a philosophical animal, one that does not place its affections thoughtlessly. - Theophile Gautier, French writer and critic

 

The cat is the mirror of his human's mind. The dog is the mirror of his human's physical appearance. - Winifred Carriere

 

What if it was cats who invented technology, would they have TV shows starring rubber sqeaky toys? - Douglas Coupland

 

The cat could very well be man's best friend but would never stoop to admitting it. - Doug Larson

 

Cats are soft-furred mammals, who are mildly and clumsily predatory. They have anywhere from two to a dozen neurons. The baseline intellect of a cat has two states. (1) Chow state (feeding frenzy); and (2) Sleep mode (unconscious on your bed with whiskers twitching). - Elaine Richards

 

A child is a person who can't understand why someone would give away a perfectly good kitten. - Doug Larson

 

Kitten: A small homicidal muffin on legs; affects human sensibilities to the point of endowing the most wanton and ruthless acts of destruction with near-mythical overtones of cuteness. Not recommended for beginners. Get at least two. - Anonymous

 

After dark all cats are leopards. - Native American (Zuni) proverb

 

Cat: A lapwarmer with a built-in buzzer. - Anonymous

 

I am not a cat man but a dog man, and all felines can tell this at a glance -- a sharp, vindictive glance. - James Thurber

 

For a man to truly understand rejection, he must first be ignored by a cat. - Anonymous

 

I simply can't resist a cat, particularly a purring one. They are the cleanest, cunningest, and most intelligent things I know, outside of the girl you love, of course. - Mark Twain, American writer

 

People who hate cats will come back as mice in their next life. - Faith Resnick

 

Even overweight cats instinctively know the cardinal rule: When fat, arrange yourself in slim poses. - John Weitz

 

Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect. - Steven Wright, comedian

 

Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea. - Anonymous

 

His friendship is not easily won, but something worth having. - Michael Joseph, English publisher

 

It is impossible for a lover of cats to banish these alert, gentle, and discriminating little friends, who give us just enough of their regard and complaisance to make us hunger for more. - Agnes Repplier, American essayist

 

The really great thing about cats is their endless variety. One can pick a cat to fit almost any kind of decor, color scheme, income, personality, mood. But under that fur, whatever color it may be, there still lies, essentially unchanged, one of the world's free souls. - Eric Gurney, American cartoonist and writer

 

The cat, like the genius, draws into itself as into a shell except in the atmosphere of congeniality, and this is the secret of its remarkable and elusive personality. - Ida M. Mellen, American writer

 

Before a cat will condescend to treat you as a trusted friend, some little token of esteem is needed, like a dish of cream. - T.S. Eliot

 

There are people who reshape the world by force or argument, but the cat just lies there, dozing, and the world quietly reshapes itself to suit his comfort and convenience. - Allen and Ivy Dodd, American writers

 

Thou art the Great Cat, the avenger of the Gods, and the judge of words, and the president of the sovereign chiefs and the governor of the holy Circle; thou art indeed...the Great Cat. - Inscription on the Royal Tombs at Thebes

 

For every house is incomplete without him, and a blessing is lacking in the spirit. - Christopher Smart, English poet

 

Nothing is more majestic in this world than catching a glimpse of a cat lying proud, arms stretched in front of him, head held high -- mirroring the great Sphynx who came before him. - Larry H. Corbett, Jr., 20th century philosopher

 

Dogs have owners, cats have staff. - Anonymous

 

In ancient times, cats were worshipped as Gods; they have not forgotten this. - Anonymous

 

When the mouse laughs at the cat, there is always a hole nearby. - Nigerian proverb

 

Cats are rather delicate creatures and they're subject to a good many ailments, but I've never heard of one that suffered from insomnia. - Joseph Wood Krutch

 

Managing senior programmers is like herding cats. - David Platt

 

Do not meddle in the affairs of cats, for they are subtle and will piss on your computer. - Bruce Graham

 

I have noticed that what cats appreciate most in human beings is not the ability to produce food which they take for granted, but their entertainment value. - Geoffrey Household

 

If a dog jumps into your lap it is because he is fond of you. If a cat does the same, it's because your lap is warmer. - Alfred North Whitehead

 

Of all God's creatures, there is only one that cannot be made slave of the leash. That one is the cat. If man could be crossed with a cat it would improve man, but deteriorate the cat. - Mark Twain, American writer

 

Cats seem to go along on the principle that it never does any harm to ask for what you want. - Joseph Wood Krutch

 

With the qualities of cleanliness, affection, patience, dignity, and courage that cats have, how many of us, I ask you, would be capable of becoming cats? - Fernand Mery

 

When I play with my cat, who knows whether she is not amusing herself with me more than I with her. - Michel Eyquem de Montaigne

 

No amount of time can erase the memory of a good cat; and no amount of masking tape can ever totally remove his fur from your couch. - Leo Dworken

 

The cat is domestic only as far as suit its own ends. - Saki (H.H. Munro)

 

Cats can be cooperative when something feels good, which, to a cat, is the way everything is supposed to feel as much of the time as possible. - Roger Caras

 

Like a graceful vase, a cat, even when motionless, just seems to flow. - George F. Will

 

A cat has absolute emotional honesty. Human beings, for one reason or another, may hide their feelings, but a cat does not. - Ernest Hemingway

 

By and large, people who enjoy teaching animals to roll over will find themselves happier with a dog. - Barbara Holland

 

There is, incidently, no way of talking about cats that enables one to come off as a sane person. - Dan Greenberg

 

A meow massages the heart. - Stuart McMillan

 

Cats are the ultimate narcissists. You can tell this by all the time they spend on personal grooming. Dogs aren't like this. A dog's idea of personal grooming is to roll in a dead fish. - James Gorman

 

I'm not one of those that can see the cat in the dairy and wonder what she's there for. - George Eliot

 

If we treated everyone we meet with the same affection we bestow upon our favorite cat, they too would purr. - Martin Buxbaum

 

Cats always know whether people like or dislike them. They just don't care enough to do anything about it. - Winifred Carriere

 

If a cat does something, we call it instinct; if we do the same thing, for the same reason, we call it intelligence. - Will Cuppy

 

There's no need for a piece of sculpture in a home that has a cat. - Wesley Bates

 

The trouble with cats is that they've got no tact. - P.G. Wodehouse

 

A Cat's hearing apparatus is built to allow the human voice to easily go in one ear and out the other. - Stephen Baker

 

My cat does not talk as respectfully to me as I do to her. - Colette, French writer

 

The best exercise for a cat is another cat. - Jo and Paul Loeb, American animal trainers and writers

 

Prowling his own quiet backyard or asleep by the fire, he is still only a whisker away from the wilds. - Jean Burden

 

The mathematical probability of a common cat doing exactly as it pleases is the one scientific absolute in the world. - Lynn M. Osband

 

Cats do not have to be shown how to have a good time, for they are unfailingly ingenious in that respect. - James Mason

 

Meow is like aloha, it can mean anything. - Hank Ketchum

 

Some people say that cats are sneaky, evil and cruel. True, and they have many other fine qualities as well. - Missy Dizick

 

As every cat owner knows, nobody owns a cat. - Ellen Perry Berkeley

 

How we behave toward cats here below determines our status in heaven. - Robert A. Heinlein

 

Two things are aesthetically perfect in the world, the clock and the cat. - Emile Auguste Chartier

 

Even the stupidest cat seems to know more than any dog. - Eleanor Clark

 

Kittens are born with their eyes shut. They open them in about six days, take a look around, then close them again for the better part of their lives. - Stephen Baker

 

If a cat did not put a firm paw down now and then, how could his human remain possessed. - Winifred Carriere

 

If animals could speak the dog would be a a blundering outspoken fellow, but the cat would have the rare grace of never saying a word too much. - Mark Twain, American writer

 

There are two means of refuge from the miseries of life, music and cats. - Dr. Albert Schweitzer

 

You can't own a cat. The best you can do is be partners. - Sir Harry Swanson

 

There are no ordinary cats. - Colette, French writer

 

A cat pours his body on the floor like water. It is restful just to see him. - William Lyon Phelps

 

In the beginning God created man, but seeing him so feeble He gave him the cat. - Warren Eckstein

 

There are few things in life more heart warming than to be welcomed by a cat. - Tay Hohoff

 

Cats know how to obtain food without labor, shelter without confinement, and love without penalties. - W.L. George, American writer

 

One reason we admire cats is for their proficiency in one-upmanship. They always seem to come out on top, no matter what they are doing or pretend they're doing. - Barbara Webster

 

Garfield's Law: Cats instinctively know the precise moment their owners will awaken, then they awaken them ten minutes sooner. - Jim Davis, American cartoonist

 

The ideal of calm exists in a sitting cat. - Jules Reynard

 

Sometimes the veil between human and animal intelligence wears very thin -- then one experiences the supreme thrill of keeping a cat, or perhaps allowing oneself to be owned by a cat. - Catherine Manley, English writer

 

Most beds sleep up to six cats, ten without the owner. - Stephen Baker

 

To err is human; to purr is feline. - Robert Byrne

 

Of all animals, the cat alone attains to the contemplative life. - Andrew Lang

 

We cannot, without becoming cats, perfectly understand the cat mind. - St. George Mivart, 19th-century authority on cats

 

Most cats, when they are "out" want to be "in", and vice versa, and often simultaneously. - Louis J. Camuti, DVM

 

The phrase "domestic cat" is an oxymoron. - George F. Will

 

By associating with the cat, one only risks becoming richer. - Colette, French writer

 

Intelligence in the cat is underrated. - Louis Wain

 

Deep down, we're all motivated by the same urges. Cats have the courage to live by them. - Jim Davis, American cartoonist

 

Her function is to sit and be admired. - Georgina Strickland Gates

 

I believe cats to be spirits come to earth. A cat, I am sure, could walk on a cloud without coming through. - Jules Verne

 

Of all animals, the cat alone attains to the comtemplative life. He regards the wheel of existence from without, like the Buddha. - Andrew Lang

 

There is no more intrepid explorer than a kitten. - Jules Champfleury

 

One of the oldest human needs is having someone to wonder where you are when you don't come home at night. - Margaret Mead

 

Cats are smarter than dogs. You can't get eight cats to pull a sled through snow. - Jeff Valdez

 

In a cat's eye, all things belong to cats. - English proverb

 

As every cat owner knows, nobody owns a cat. - Ellen Perry Berkeley

 

One cat just leads to another. - Ernest Hemingway

 

Cats are connoisseurs of comfort. - James Herriot

 

I have studied many philosophers and many cats. The wisdom of cats is infinitely superior. - Hippolyte Taine

 

The cat has too much spirit to have no heart. - Ernest Menaul

 

Time spent with cats is never wasted. - Colette, French writer

 

You will always be lucky if you know how to make friends with strange cats. - Colonial American proverb

 

Cats aren't clean. They're just covered with cat spit. - John S. Nichols